The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
