could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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