the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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