at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i now understand why vodka
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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