It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i've created a new STD.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize