you win again, gameday.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize