College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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