good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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