he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
