im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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