i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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