Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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