i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
