nut hugger
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
