He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
