I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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