and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
