Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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