drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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