Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
