I met the friendliest cop last night
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
