I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
This is my gift to your gina
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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