I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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