Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
