I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize