I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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