i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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