I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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