im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
