never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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