If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
