bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
