just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
