Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
