I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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