my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
