Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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