i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The air was thick with penises
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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