my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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