well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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