from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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