she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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