I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
