We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
