ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
