I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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