If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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