Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
