Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
