I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize