We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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