It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Randomize
