My first STD was from a foam party
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
