I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
