toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
