Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
