She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
