I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize