you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize