your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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