Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
