I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
