Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
