wakey wakey hands off snakey
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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