i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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