I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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