Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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