the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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