the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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