The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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