i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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