Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
