Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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