i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
